H.Y.C.Y.BH – Tom Cardy (Tekst)

When my roommate comes into the room
Looking for his car keys
I don't say it yet
And when he gets me off the couch
To check underneath the couch cushions
I don't say it yet, no
And then when he says out loud
"I wonder where my car keys are"
I still don't say it
But then he asks me
"Do you know where my car keys are?"
I look at him in his face, and I say
"Have you checked your butthole?"
I have not seen your keys,
But since you're askin' me
You better check up that butthole
Of course I'm not serious
I don't think it's up inside your
Big brown business
But a funny thing to say
To someone who's lost their shit
And is stressed out visibly
When I see the best man start to sweat
I don't say it yet
When I see that little ring bearer cunt
Getting yelled at by his mum
Oh, I still don't say it
When I see the groom asking the vicar
If they can wait just another fifteen minutes
I do not say it
And when the father of the bride
Starts organizing an ad-hoc emu bob
Of the courtyard area
I want to, but I do not say it
It's the eleventh hour with three hundred
Congregates under God's roof
The vicar approaches the mic,
And suddenly, all of the chatter goes mute
He says that they've misplaced the rings
Could anyone possibly know where they are?
I know it's my time,
And all heads turn as I stand and say,
"Vicar!"
"Have you checked your butthole?"
"I have not seen your ring,
But have you checked your ring?"
And by "ring, " I mean butthole
Love is patient; love is kind
But if you ask me where you can find
Literally anything you've lost before
I'm gonna suggest that it's up your butthole
"Is it up your butthole?"
"Have you checked up your butthole?"
"Check your anus"
"I think it's stuck up your ass"
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry"
Of course, my condolences
Yeah, yeah what are you looking for?
Have you checked your butthole?
Maybe you'll find your dead grandma
Up there, too
Oh, I fuckin' got you, butthole
My family hate me
This might be the reason
That I've got no close friends
Fuckin' worth it, baby